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Prospective buyers of Newcastle apply here [Jun. 8th, 2009|12:23 pm]
Sports Shorts


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Mike Ashley has put Newcastle up for sale - and he's been good enough to publish the email address we should apply to if we're interested.

Here's the email I sent over earlier:

Dear Mike,

I was very interested to see that Newcastle United Football Club is up for sale - and I would like to express my interest.

I think I'm just what this club needs. First off, I would be able to engage with the fans. While I'm not a Geordie, I was a great fan of Byker Grove. And while I'm consistently shocked whenever I look at Dec's (or is it Ant's) massive forehead - I have a great respect for the kindness the double act showed Susan Boyle.

I'm also an astute judge of character - something that I feel will be vital if this great club is to go forward. For example - when you employed Dennis Wise, I knew that was a terrible decision. And when you brought in Kevin Keegan, I thought that was stupid as well. As for Michael Owen, well I'll deal with him when I take over.

Very importantly, I know all about Messiahs, something which I understand is pretty vital at Newcastle. If you're not convinced, I'll forward you over my GCSE Religious Studies certificate - I got a B.

Finally - I have a query about the recommended retail price of £100m. I assume that what I read in the papers is a miss-print, and that you would be paying the £100m to someone to take the club off your hands? If this is the case then I think we are ready to move forward.

In Shearer we trust, yours sincerely,

S Rice

I think I've got the £100m in the bag but if you want to challenge my takeover bid the email address to apply to is: admin@nufc.co.uk